Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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