Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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