i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
third nipple confirmed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
