this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
