He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
