john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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