I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
