My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
