I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
