it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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