I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think my mom watched the whole time
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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