So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
