so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
