Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
