Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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