I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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