Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
