What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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