I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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