please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
