It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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