I wish I only lived at night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
