my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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