I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
