32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
