She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
