you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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