are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
