And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
