I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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