I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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