after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
