Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
