dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize