Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
