i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
