"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
