i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
