Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had to cum in my sink.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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