I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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