at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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