Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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