I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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