so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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