In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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