let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
