This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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