first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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