I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
