In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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