So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
