Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am one with the molecules
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
