dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
