My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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