I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
