ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
