He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
