Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to calm my uterus...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
