He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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