____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
