i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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