I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
