You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
