if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
