She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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