I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
