I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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