Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
be right there i have to get my cape
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
