she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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