I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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