sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
