Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
