How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
