Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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