was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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