so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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