i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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