i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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