I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
