I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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