I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
