Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize