He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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