next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
