I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
