my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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