My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
