my mouth tastes like poor choices
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
