my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
