Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
