"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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