I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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