I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
