I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
