Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
