Old men and throwing up are my life now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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