I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
