I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
