We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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