I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
